Q: What is a cat’s favorite color?
Q: What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?
A: A first-aid Kit.
Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing’ taxi cabs!
Q: Why are cats good at video games?
A: Because they have nine lives!
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted!
Q: What song does a cat like best?
A: Three Blind Mice.
- What does a kitten become after it’s three days old?
A. Four days old!
- What happens when a cat eats a lemon?
A. It becomes a sour puss!
- When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A. When you’re a mouse
Q: Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the dog!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog!
Q: Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!
Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
A: You can step in a poodle!
Q: Why are dogs like phones?
A: Because they have collar IDs.
Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Q: What do you call a dog that is left handed?
A: A south paw!
Q: What did one flea say to the other?
A: Should we walk or take a dog?
Q: What type of markets to dogs avoid?
A: Flea markets!
JOKES ABOUT ELEPHANTS
How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Look for elephant tracks in the butter.
How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling.
How do you make an elephant float?
Add two scoops of ice cream and a can of root beer to one elephant.
Why do elephants wear sandals?
So that they don’t sink in the sand.
Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
What’s gray, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
A get well elephant.
Which is stronger an elephant or a snail?
A snail, because it carries its house, an elephant just carries its trunk.
Who is the most famous singing female elephant?
Why are elephants wrinkled?
Have you ever tried to iron one?
Why aren’t elephants allowed on the beach?
Because they can’t keep their trunks up.
Why did the elephant paint himself orange?
So he could hide in the pumpkin patch.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the strawberry patch.
Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
So she wouldn’t fall in the hot chocolate.
Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don’t know how to cook.
Why do elephants rarely travel by plane?
It’s tough to get their trunks in the overhead bins.
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out flaming ducks.
VARIETY OF ANIMAL JOKES
What day do fish hate?
What do call a bear with no ears?
Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
To the MOOO-vies!
Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie talkie!
What kind of animal goes OOM?
A cow walking backwards!
What animal has more lives than the cat?
A frog; he croaks every night.
What is a crocodile’s favorite game
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
He gets toad away.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a pig?
A bird who hogs the conversation.
What did one flea say to the other flea?
Shall we walk or take the dog?
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don’t know, but I’m not going to smell it!
What’s the difference between an injured lion and a wet day?
One pours with rain, the other roars with pain!
What is the strongest animal?
A snail. He carries his house on his back!
JOKES ABOUT ANIMALS ON A FARM
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !!!
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Let’s get cracking!
What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car?
Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken?
It was a chicken.
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What do ducks watch on TV?
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck?
Milk and quackers.
What would you see at a chicken show?
What did the duck say when he’d finished shopping?
Put it on my bill please.
What do you get if you cross rabbits and termites?
Why do ducks watch the news?
To get the feather forecast.
What says `quick, quick’?
A duck with hiccups.
What happened when the chicken slept under the car?
She woke up “oily” the next morning.
What do pigs put on sore toes?
What do you get when you cross a cow with a rabbit?
Hare in your milk!
Why do cows use the doorbell?
Because their horns don’t work!
What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder catastrophe!
Where do cows go on Friday night?
To the moo-vies.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
Because he wanted chocolate milk.
What would you get if you crossed a rooster with a giraffe?
An animal who wakes up people who live on the top floor.
What do you get if you cross a sheep and a porcupine?
An animal that knits its own sweaters.
Where does a hog look when he can’t spell very well?
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why do roosters never get rich?
Because they work for chicken feed.
What runs around a farm but doesn’t move?
What kind of beans can’t grow in a garden?
- School & Computers
- Food Jokes
- Sports: Baseball-Football-General
- Jokes Insects, Fleas, Flies, Spiders
- Patriotic (Labor Day, Memorial Day, Flag Day, Fourth of July, Patriotic Theme, Uncle Sam, Presidents Day)
- All Winter time Jokes: Good All Winter, Reindeer, Christmas
- St. Patrick’s Day
- April Fools Day