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Winter Time Jokes (Christmas too!)

November 22, 2010 16:49 by Barbara Shelby

 

JOKES GOOD ALL WINTER...

 'Snowman... 'Reindeer'...  'Chistmas' Jokes for Kids...

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Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A.  A puddle!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What do you call an old snowman?
A. Water!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why did Frosty have a carrot in his nose?
A. Because he forgot where the refrigerator was.

Q. Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A. Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.

Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A.  Ice caps.

Q. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
A.  Frost bite!

Q. What did Frosty call his cow?
A. Eskimoo!

Q. What do you call a Snowman on roller blades?
A. A snowmobile!

Q. What did the snowman order at McDonalds ?
A. Icerbergers with chilly sauce!

Q. How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
A. You wake up wet!

Q. What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night?
A. Cold cream!

Q. What goes 'oh, oh, oh'?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
A. Have an ice day!

Q. What does a Snowman take when he gets sick?
A.  A chill pill!

Two snowmen were standing in a field, and one said to the other
'Can you smell carrot?'
The second replied, 'No, but I can taste coal.'

Q.  What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A.  A snowmobile!

Q. What do Snowmen call their offspring?
A. Chill-dren.

Q. Where do Snowmen go to dance?
A. To snowballs.

Q. Why did a anowman send his father to Siberia?
A. Because he wanted frozen pop!

Q. How does a Snowman get to work?
A. By icicle.

Q. What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
A. Icebergers !

Q. What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer?
A.  I.C.!

Q. What goes...now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?
A. A snowman on a zebra crossing!

Q.What happened when the icicle landed on the snowmman's head?
A. It knocked him out cold.

Q. How do snowmen greet each other?
A. Ice to meet you!

Q.How do snowmen read their e-mails?
A. With an icy-stare!

Q. What is a Snowman's favorite Drink?
A. Ice Tea!

Q. Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire?
A. A Snowman.


Q. Why was the snowman's dog called Frost?
A. Because Frost bites.


Q. What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Q. What food do you get when you cross Frosty with a polar bear?
A.  A "brrr" - "grrr"!

Q. What did Frosty's girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
A. The cold shoulder!

Q. Who are Frosty's parents?
A. Mom and Pop-Sicle!

Q. Who is Frosty's favourite Aunt?
A. Aunt Artica!


Q. What does Frosty eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes!
Q. What else does Frosty eat for breakfast? 
A. Frosted Flakes!

Q. Where do Frosty and his wife go to dance?
A. Snowballs!

Q. What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
A. Frosty the Dough-man!

Q. What does Frosty call ice?
A. Skid stuff!


Q. What kind of cake does Frosty like?
A. The kind with lots of frosting!

Q. What kind of cake does Frosty like?
A. One with icing?  

Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.

Q. How do you call an Eskimo cow?
A. An Eskimoo!

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost!

What’s ice?
Skid stuff!

*Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

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Who/What am I Winter Riddles…

  • I can swim or walk for miles.
    I’m big with thick, white hair.
    I live up in the Arctic.
    I am a ________
    POLAR BEAR
  • I’m usually made of colored yarn,
    By someone who is knittin´.
    Unless one’s lost I come in pairs.
    Of course I am a ______  
    MITTEN
  • My antlers tower above my head.
    Where I live--- it’s cold all year.
    I can pull a sled or pack a load.
    You call me a ______
    REINDEER
  • I’m big and white and made of snow,
    So I’ll never have a tan.
    When the sun comes out, I melt away.
    Each year, I’m a new ______
    SNOWMAN
  • I’ve got a big mustache.
    I dig shellfish with my tusks.
    I swim in icy waters.
    I’m a Walrus.

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 JOKES ABOUT REINDEER...

 What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?      
This one will sleigh you!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs!

How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it!

Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy!

How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognized!

Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones!

Where do you find reindeer?
It
depends on where you leave them!

I can lift a reindeer with one hand.
I bet you can't.
Well you find me a reindeer with one hand and I'll lift it!

How many legs does a reindeer have?
Six. Forelegs at the front and two at the back!

What’s the difference between a cookie and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea!

When should you feed reindeer milk to a baby?
When it's a baby reindeer!

If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop!
 
Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!

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CHRISTMAS JOKES

Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
A. Grave-y.

Q. Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q. Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
A. "Holly" wood!

Q. What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
A. Merry Christmas to ewe!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Q. What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
A. The letter "Y"! 

Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A. Sandy Claws!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A. Fleece Navidad!

Q. What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake
A. Tarzipan !

Q. Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
A. No you can have turkey like everyone else!

Q. What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
A. A "pointsetter"!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can ho ho ho!

Q. Why is it so cold at Christmas?
A. Because it's in Decembrrrr!

Q. What's red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A. A sad candy cane!

Q. What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?
A. Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!


Q. Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
A. Your teeth!

Q. What is the best key to get at Christmas?
A. A turkey!

Q. We had grandma for Christmas dinner.
A. Really, we had turkey!

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. It's Christmas, Eve!

Q. What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
A. You get tinsel-itus!

Q. What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?
A. Ribbon Hood!

Q. Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?
A. No, I wouldn't know how to feed them."

A Christmas thought: STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backward. 

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CHRISTMAS KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES

 Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger!

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull... !

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery merry Christmas!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Igloo
Igloo who?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas

Be sure to also check out CHRISTMAS TONGUE TWISTERS!

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 FUNNY!

CHRISMAS CAROLS AS INTERPRETED BY KIDS! 

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Holiday/Christmas Carols; here are some of the humorous lines she received:

  • Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
  • De three kings of porridge and tar
  • On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
  • Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
  • He's makin a list, chicken and rice.
  • Noel, Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
  • With the jelly toast proclaim
  • Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer)
  • Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
  • Sleep in heavenly peas
  • In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown
  • You'll go down in listerine
  • Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay 
  • O come, froggy faithful

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JOKE MENU...

Holiday Jokes:

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