Who doesn't know a child or two who whines?! This is one of the most prevalent irritants to adults, as well as one of the most simple to handle. With some children, it can become a major issue.

 Whining develops into a habit because it gets attention. It's a learned behavior. It's most prevalent from ages two to four, but can last longer. Children have needs and whining can develop as a communication form to get those needs met. How long it lasts depends on how the adults in the child's life handle it. 

 Some Quick Tips:

How do we take care of it?  By simply refusing to respond to it.

• If a child is not ill or suffering from a speech impediment or handicap that makes it difficult to speak--ignore it! If the whining child's basic needs are being met, tell the child you will not respond to whining.

• Most children will stop when you say something such as, "I can't understand you unless you talk to me." "Tell me what you want". Or "I don't like it when you talk to me like that. If you want a cookie, say it like this..." Then model the exact tone and words you want the child to use.

• In severe cases, you may need to tell a child to go and whine in another room and when they are ready to talk, you'll be happy to listen to them. On a personal note, I've had the experience with one child (grandchild, age 3) who got into the habit of whining. When she started speaking to me, I calmly said, "I want to hear your 'Sarah voice'-not the whining voice." In this case, it worked after the third reminder. I seldom hear the whine anymore. Sarah (not real name) learned the difference between a whining tone and a regular speaking tone. (We also need to be good role models ourselves--and keep the whine out of our own voices!)

Give tons of attention when behavior is appropriate. Kids crave attention-and they quickly learn what works to get it! Give attention to appropriate and positive behavior, not to behavior that is undesirable!
Barb Shelby

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You may also be interested in  Building a Child's Self-Esteem  which also incudes "How to Praise a Child"...

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Self Esteem begins to develop at a very early age. By getting children off to the best possible start, we give them a gift that they can carry with them for the rest of their life! Share yourself with your children. Bring your talents, skills and hobbies into their lives, program, and classroom.

Our goal isn't to mold cookie-cutter children, but to nourish each child's individual spirit! To help them stay in touch with their feelings, explore ways of dealing with outside influences and to increase their sense of trust and kindness... 

Some ways are by presenting:

   • Skill Building Sports

  • Gym/Yoga/Exercise

  • Cooking/Snack preparation

  • Outdoors

  • Knitting/Sewing/Crocheting

  • Woodworking

  • Science/Nature 

  • Party Planning (involving youth in any planning)

  • Caring for Animals    

  • Community Service & Random Acts of Kindness

  • Creative Arts/Crafts

  • Foreign Languages/Sign language

  • Drama

  • Interest Clubs/Classes

  • Dancing/Singing

  • Music 

  • Youth helping with younger children 

Helping children develop a positive self image is an important task we face as caregivers, parents, and teachers. Fortunately, there are many things we can do. Some of them are:
 
1.  Model appropriate behavior; children model after people they respect. Let them know that you feel good about yourself. Also let them know that you make  mistakes and learn from them.

2. Give children time with their friends; peer groups are very important.

3. Don't give into "learned helplessness". When children say they can't do something, show them how in stages so they can. You can also say, 'If you could,  how would you start it?"  Don't do it for them. When a child says, "I can't do that. End their sentence with the words, "Not yet!"

4. Clearly define limits, rules and boundaries; be consistent.

5. Don't make children feel attacked or defensive when there are challenges; work with them to find solutions or alternative behaviors.

6. Help children discover how THEY feel about their accomplishements, NOT how OTHER people feel. Example:" Mrs. Green, (or Mom) I got an A on my test!" "Great I saw how hard you were studying this morning."

7. Make children feel lovable and competent. 

    Suggestions:

• Look  children in the eyes when you talk to them.

• Go down to their level when you talk to them.

 • Use their ideas.

• Don’t change or improve their projects.

• Put up all work-- good or bad.

 • Allow them their creativity; leave the "blue grass and raggedy edges" alone!

• Notice the positive in them; give them individual attention.

• Use their name; greet them daily.

• Present activities within their skill range.

 • Give them responsibility and jobs.

• Have reasonable expectations.

• Give sincere praise and recognition. Instead of saying, "Oh, that's beautiful!" Be specific and say,"Oh, look at the reds and greens!"

• Help the rejected child learn ways to make friends.

 • Know the general development of children's varied "ages and stages".

• Listen to them!!!

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HOW TO PRAISE A CHILD

When working (or being a parent) with  children and youth, it's not uncommon to praise them for a job well done. However, according to Becky A. Bailey, author of "Conscious Discipline," how you praise them can make the difference between encouraging and discouraging behavior.

Bailey explains that general praise, such as saying someone is "always helpful," can burden a child, by making him or her feel pressured to live up to a set standard. If the praise "relies on value judgments too often, you teach children that 'good' equals 'pleasing others' and 'bad' equals 'displeasing others.' "

To give praise effectively, Bailey recommends STATING SPECIFICS of what is praiseworthy. For example, instead of saying "Nice job" after a child puts away his toys, say, "You cleaned your play area very nicely."

Bailey emphasizes that some phrases - or tags - that describe values can't be used enough, such as telling a child that he or she was helpful, thoughtful or kind.

  Something to think about...Do you know that ...

  • At grade 5…
       20% of children Have high self-esteem.

    • At grade 12…
       5% of youth…Have high self-esteem.

    • As success goes up…
       Self-esteem goes up!

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