JOKES GOOD ALL WINTER...
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money? 
A. In a snow bank.
Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A. An ice burger with chili sauce.
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
Q. Why did Frosty have a carrot in his nose?
A. Because he forgot where the refrigerator was.
Q. Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A. Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.
Q. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
A. Frost bite!
Q. How do you call an Eskimo cow?
A. An Eskimoo!
Q. What did the snowman order at McDonalds ?
A. Icerbergers with chilly sauce!
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet!
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost!
What’s ice?
Skid stuff!
*Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!
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Who/What am I Winter Riddles…
- I can swim or walk for miles.
I’m big with thick, white hair.
I live up in the Arctic.
I am a ________
POLAR BEAR
- I’m usually made of colored yarn,
By someone who is knittin´.
Unless one’s lost I come in pairs.
Of course I am a ______
MITTEN
- My antlers tower above my head.
Where I live--- it’s cold all year.
I can pull a sled or pack a load.
You call me a ______
REINDEER
- I’m big and white and made of snow,
So I’ll never have a tan.
When the sun comes out, I melt away.
Each year, I’m a new ______
SNOWMAN
- I’ve got a big mustache.
I dig shellfish with my tusks.
I swim in icy waters.
I’m a Walrus.
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JOKES ABOUT REINDEER
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you!
Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs!
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it!
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy!
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognized!
Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones!
Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!
I can lift a reindeer with one hand.
I bet you can't.
Well you find me a reindeer with one hand and I'll lift it!
How many legs does a reindeer have?
Six. Forelegs at the front and two at the back!
What’s the difference between a cookie and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea!
When should you feed reindeer milk to a baby?
When it's a baby reindeer!
If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop!
Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!
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CH
RISTMAS JOKES & CHRISTMAS KNOCK-KNOCKS
Q. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
A. Grave-y.
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!
Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow .
Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A. Sandy Claws!
Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.
Q. What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake
A. Tarzipan !
Q. Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
A. No you can have turkey like everyone else!
Q. Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
Your teeth!
Q. We had grandma for Christmas dinner?
Really, we had turkey!
Q. What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!
Tip: Also check out the many ‘Winter Jokes’ in the Season’s Joke Section!
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CHRISTMAS KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull... !
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery merry Christmas!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Igloo
Igloo who?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas
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FUNNY!
CHRISMAS CAROLS AS INTERPRETED BY KIDS!
A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Holiday/Christmas Carols; here are some of the humorous lines she received:
• Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
• De three kings of porridge and tar
• On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
• Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
• He's makin a list, chicken and rice.
• Noel, Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
• With the jelly toast proclaim
• Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer)
• Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
• Sleep in heavenly peas
• In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown
• You'll go down in listerine
• Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
• O come, froggy faithful
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JOKE MENU...
- School & Computers
- Crossing the Road
- Food Jokes
- Animals: Cats, Dogs, Elephants, Variety
- Dinosaurs
- Sports: Baseball-Football-General
- Jokes Insects, Fleas, Flies, Spiders
- Jokes: Weather, Flowers & Gardens, Birds, Bees, Frogs
Holiday Jokes:
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