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Tips, Articles and Advice on Bullying

September 6, 2009 19:51 by Barbara Shelby

 

In USA~October, 2011 marks the sixth PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Month that unites communities nationwide to raise awareness of bullying prevention. This event include activities, education, and awareness building for the entire month.

In the United Kingdom...Anti-bullying Week 2011 will be held from 14th - 18th November.  With the slogan 'Stop and Think -Words can Hurt'! This year’s campaign is focused on tackling verbal bullying. Young people at the ABA Youth Summit 2010 raised concerns about the negative use of language in schools and the wider community--expressions such as: you're so gay... and words like 'sket'and 'slag'. They saw this as a key indicator of bullying or a hostile environment.

We know that derogatory language  words and expressions that are homophobic, racist, sexist or disabilist, that seek to demean particular groups and individuals are far to common in our schools, colleges and communities.

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According to the National Association of School Psychologists, bullying is the most common form of violence in our society. In a 2001 national survey of students in grades six through ten
   • 13% reported bullying others.. 
   • 11% reported being a victim of bullies 
   • Another 6% said that they both bullied others and were bullied themselves. 
   • These numbers mean that over five million children are affected by bullying. Source:
Surfnetkids
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A Quick List to What is Bullying and Harassment? 

Bullying is the conscious desire to hurt, exclude, or put some one else down to make you feel better. Bullying can be in looks, actions or words. Bullying is not a joke. It is unacceptable. Each student has the right to feel safe, happy, and wanted.
 
BULLYING COULD INCLUDE:
   • Being ignored constantly. 
   • Being excluded from the group. 
   • Having rumors spread about you. 
   • Being made fun of.

YOU ARE HELPING A BULLY BY: 
 Providing an audience. 
  • Not supporting someone who is being bullied. 
  • Passing on harassing notes. 
  • Passing on rumors. 
  • Laughing at a bully's actions.

ARE YOU BEING BULLIED OR HARASSED?
WHAT CAN YOU DO? POSITIVE STRATEGIES TO HELP COUNTER BULLYING... 

  • Be assertive. Explain to the bully how you feel. 
  • Discuss it with friends. Get help from them. 
  • Consider your behavior. 
  • Avoid situations which lead to bullying. 
  • Ignore it. Don't let the bully know that you are upset. 
  • Go to peer mediation. 
  • Go to the school Counselor. 
  • Talk to a trusted person. 
  • Tell your Co-ordinator/Counselor. 
  • Talk to your parents. 
  • Remember--It's OK to let someone know what's happening!!!

VISIT BULLYING CANADA WEBSITE -- The website has been created by youth for youth from across the Country (Canada)! They are all fully non - paid volunteers and donate many hours a week to the website.

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WHY DON'T YOUNG PEOPLE TELL ADULTS? (About being bullied?) 

1. They are ashamed of being bullied
2. They are afraid of retaliation
3. They don't think anyone CAN help them
4. They don't think anyone WILL help them
5. They've bought into the lie that bullying is a necessary part of growing up
6. Thy might believe that adults are part of the lie--they bully too
7. They have learned that "ratting" on a peer is bad, not cool

  • Students typically feel that adult intervention is infrequent and ineffective and that telling adults will only bring more harassment from bullies. 
  • Students are also reluctant to tell teachers or school staff as many adults view bullying as a harmless rite of passage that is best ignored-- unless verbal and psychological intimidation crosses the line into physical assault or theft.
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 HERE'S HOW THE SCHOOL CAN HELP ... 
  • Provide a reporting method. 
  • Provide counseling. 
  • Give advice on how to handle the situation. 
  • Arrange peer mediation. 
  • Keep confidentiality if requested. 
  • Listen sympathetically and carefully and take your problem seriously. 
  • Support you. 
  • Investigate all incidents. 
  • Bring both the victim and the bully together for conflict resolution. 


ALL BULLYING AND HARASSMENT WILL BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

The social context and supervision at school has been shown to play a MAJOR PART in the frequency and severity of bullying problems. While teachers and administrators do not have control over individual and family factors which produce children who are inclined to bully, bullying problems can be greatly reduced in severity by appropriate supervision, intervention and climate in a school. 

 • Supervision of children has been found to be of prime importance. Just as low levels of supervision in the home are associated with the development of bully problems in individual children, so are low levels of supervision at school, particularly on the PLAYGROUND, SCHOOLYARD, and in the HALLWAYS

• The social climate in the school needs to be one where there is WARMTH AND ACCEPTANCE OF ALL STUDENTS, and one where there are high standards for student and teacher behavior toward one another. TEACHER ATTITUDES toward aggression, and skills with supervision and intervention, partly determine how teachers will react to bullying situations. Curricula, administrative policies, and support are also very important.

FOUR EASY WAY TO DEAL WITH BULLIES IN THE CLASSROOM OR PROGRAM... 

• OBSERVE: Quietly watch students as they interact during free time. 
• ASK: An anonymous survey can reveal when and where bullying occurs. 
• EDUCATE: Teach students what bullying is and the damage it can cause. 
• ENFORCE: Hold bullies accountable for their actions with fair consequences

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 If your school has anti-bullying activities-join them and take part.
If they don't--start some of your own. Some schools and programs have taken the following measures to help youth:

    Unite with other communities  with PACER...It takes a community to prevent bullying of children. Annual National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week, each October, encourages communities nationwide to work together to increase awareness of the prevalence and impact of bullying on all children.

    Families, students, schools, organizations and other groups can unite with PACER to prevent bullying in several ways. Activities and materials such as contests, toolkits, and online bullying prevention training are available on to help reduce bullying in schools, recreational programs, and community organizations. PACER has designed free web sites, downloadable activities and helpful information for teachers, administrators, parents and community organization to engage and educate children about bullying prevention in grades K- 5.

    There are resources designed for teens, teachers, administrators, and parents and other professionals to engage, empower and educate students, schools and communities about bullying prevention for middle and high school students.

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GOOD IDEAS SOME SCHOOLS HAVE STARTED:

1. BULLY BOXES...
Kids can put notes in the box if they are too worried to tell someone. If your school has boxes like these use them wisely. Advise the kids to always make sure that anything they write about is the truth.

2. SET UP A BUDDY-SYSTEM...
Older students can sometimes volunteer to help new or younger students coming into the school or your program by getting to know them.

3. SPECIALS CAMPAIGNS
such as a "no-bullying day" can be a big help.

4. COUNSELING
is a good way of talking to someone.
Can you have someone come in and talk about Kids who are being bullied, or who are bullying others?
Some schools have set up PEER COUNSELING where kids volunteer to learn how to help other kids.
 

5. MEDIATION
Some schools and programs have introduced mediation where two people who disagree about something agree that a third person, either an adult of another student, HELPS to find a solution to a problem. This can be helpful in many situations, but not in all cases of bullying...
A bully may refuse to take part because they have no interest in ending the bullying. A victim may feel that a negotiated solution is not fair when it is the other person who is completely in the wrong.

6. Taking part in PLAYS AND OTHER DRAMA ACTIVITES
can help people to understand what it feels like to be bullied and to think about what they can do to stop it. This is something that SAC programs can facilitate.

7. PEER SUPPORT
where older students volunteer to discuss things such as bullying, friendship, or drugs with groups of younger students.

POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES FOR BULLIES... 
  • Counseling. 
  • Confronting the Bully with the victim. 
  • Have the bully listen to the victim's hurt. 
  • Initiate peer mediation with the victim . 
  • Contact parents/guardians. 
  • Insist on and monitor a behavior contract. 
  • Take away privileges. 
  • Suspend Bully from school. 
  • Ask Bully to leave the school. 
  • Take legal action.
If you are bullied or harassed you CAN do something about it!

8. PRACTICE... Tip From Barb Shelby There are several good ideas in this category; many of them will give you information and activities to help derail Bullying. When you come right down to it (After you read and get ideas for what to do) rather than spending a lot of time discussing problems, have children actually PRACTICE WHAT TO DO to prevent or stop those problems.

THIS MEANS...teach children skills and give them the words and tools to handle conflicts, bullying and challenges. Have children practice. Practice with their voices and with their bodies and non-verbal communication. Coach them to experience success.

As far as challenges in your program? Don't allow it. Build a strong "Program Community" where the kids connect and feel good about themselves and their group. Some of the posts in the "Connecting & Feeling Good Category" may help with this.

9.  To initiate a discussion with chidren, USE MESSAGE BOOKS as learning tools! Stories are a great way for children to learn what other children are doing in similar situations.

There are "Bully Theme and  Message Book suggestions" for children  posted on this site. There is also a list for adults with Anti-Bully and Conflict Resolution Themes.

10. In sharing  bullying prevention strategies in School Age Notes, Nancy Mullin proposed providing activities that promote self-confidence, build self-control and resilience, and foster community connections among children...

• Bullied children benefit from participating in a wide range of activities that help them develop common interests with peers, hone friendship-making skills, and build relationships.

Children who tend to be easily left out because they lack social graces or have difficulty reading social signals need guidance to practice pleasant ways of entering play, making conversation, and "understanding" the nuances of give-and-take relationships.

• Form friendship circles to provide isolated youth with social supports. Children who tend to bully others benefit from opportunities to practice self-control, perspective taking, prosocial behavior, and positive ways to engage their peers. Offering cooperative alternatives to competitive games can also help reduce aggression."

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 STOP BULLYING NOW Education World offers  lessons designed to teach students to respect diversity and resolve ideological differences peacefully. It includes activities for teaching kids about empathy, anger management, and effective conflict resolution.  For the following activities Visit Here...

1. KIDS BULLYING KIDS
Students anonymously complete a survey about their experiences with bullying, evaluate the results, and discuss solutions to the problem.

2. COLORING A PEACEFUL WORLD
Students discuss conflict resolution techniques and color posters about those techniques.

3. THE AVERAGE KID

Students determine the traits they have in common with other students in the class and create a visual profile of the "average" boy and girl in the class.

4. PLANTET X
Students work together to create a Bill of Rights for a colony they are founding on a distant planet.
 

5. REACTING TO CONFLICT
students learn about the different ways people respond to conflict and then explore some sample scenarios to learn about their own conflict styles.

6. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO
Students learn a song to help them deal with anger.

 7. SIMON SAYS "WHO ARE YOU?"
Students play a variation of Simon Says that highlights their similarities and differences.
 

8. UNDERSTANDING NEEDS AND FEELINGS
Students learn about needs and feelings, then write an ending to a story showing how a child deals with his or her needs and feelings.
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 DISPLAY BOARD IDEAS...

 HANDS ARE FOR HELPING BULLETIN BOARD... 

Children and adults alike trace and then decorate and sign their hands as they pledge, "Hands are for Helping, not for Hurting." The hands are then displayed. This has been a project around the world...

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Happy School Board and photo is courtesy of Classroom Display Blog

"I'm particularly fond of Happy School as the idea for this hall display came from a child with some special needs who knew exactly the kind of school he needed, one where bullying just wasn't tolerated." LindaH-Classroom Displays

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Creator of the Love One Another display is unknown...Please contace us if you know the artists!

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'BULLY OR BUDDY' ?

Suggested Grade Level: 3-5
Materials:
Multi-colored construction paper and left over art scraps(fur, feathers, etc.)

This is a wonderful idea for any class, school or after-school program!

Bully or Buddy board is from PE Central--made by Pam Johnson at Prince Edward Elementary School, Farmville, VA.  "Each year our students sign an Anti-Bullying oath and in all classes we discuss the characteristics of a "Buddy" and the contrasting "Bully". This board called "Bully or Buddy?" shows several creatures that either the students or the teacher can make. (Big noses, wild hair and large feet make them more appealing). A buddy or bully characteristic is printed on the front of the creature. The students, after reading the trait, will decide which one it is describing.

Some traits to use are: takes turns; helps people and says encouraging words; likes to push people and hit them; can't follow  class/program/school rules; likes to tease people and call them names; kind and considerate; cares about other peoples' feelings; has a lot of friends, etc." Pam Johnson

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This could just as well say "LET'S HARVEST KINDNESS!" This idea works well with an Autumn Harvest Theme-but also addresses Aniti-Bully Week and World Kindness Week in November. It can stay up all Fall!!!

Each time a deed of 'Good Character' (Kindness) is noted-it is recorded on a small card and placed on a pumpkin and through-out the garden! Great for September through November... 

Origin of this board is unknow-will you please contact this site if you know the creator? Thank you

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180 Ways to Be Kind is courtesy of Classroom Display Blog

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SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...

Lyn Mikel Brown is concerned that "bully prevention" programs gaining prominence in public schools are 'nore of a problem than  panacea'. Writing in Education Week (March 5, 2008) she proposes "10 Ways to Move Beyond Bully Prevention." The first suggestion she offers is to "STOP LABELING KIDS"...

Bully-prevention programs typically put kids into three categories: bullies, victims, bystanders. Labeling children in these ways denies what we know to be true: We are all complex beings with capacity to do harm and to do good, sometimes within the same hour. It also makes the child the problem, which downplays the important role of parents, teachers, the school system, a provocative and powerful media culture, and societal injusti ces children experience every day.

Labeling kids bullies, for that matter, contributes to the negative climate and name-calling we're trying to address.
From Exchange-everyday-3/26/08

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You may also be interested in...

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Kids and Bullying: Comments from Readers

June 8, 2009 18:31 by Barbara Shelby

 

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THE FOLLOWING ARE COMMENTS FROM READERS IN THE 'DISCUSSION FORUM' of the former website  After-School-Care.com.  Please add your thoughts and experiences in the bottom page comment box or use the Contact Page.  

  From Eric Pitonyak - Holly,Michigan
Originally Posted: 2/7/2008

Here we go!!!! Bullying...
What an important subject!!! I work for Rochester Community Schools in Rochester Hills, MI and I live in Holly, MI. There is bullying at both places. In fact, bullying is a huge problem everywhere we go, from schools, to work, to neighbors, everywhere! How do we stop it?

It's a tough thing to battle, but I believe in making a difference. I am starting to travel to Middle Schools giving assembly talks about the specific subject of bullying. I have a huge passion to stop the torture that some kids go through. Below, I have put a couple of my own thoughts to maybe help your site cut down on this massive nation-wide problem.
 

BULLY BOXES
I think they are a good idea. If a child does not feel comfortable talking to an adult about them being bullied,they can write an anonymous note. But, this gets me thinking...why don't they feel comfortable talking to an adult? They should have an adult in their life that they can turn to with this type of situation. In fact, every adult should make every kid feel that they can talk to them about their struggles. WE SHOULD BE THOSE ADULTS!!! Set aside our own problems at work and let's make a difference in the lives of these children. Some of them are crying out for help and we are not listening to them. Show them that you care and want to HELP.
 

NO-BULLYING DAY
Some people and even schools have no bullying day or anti bullying week. To me, this is horrible. Why is there a selected day or couple of days that kids cannot bully someone else? It is telling the kids that during this time, we are cracking down and won't put up with any bullying. WHY ISN'T THIS a No Bullying YEAR???
Make the kids know that you will not tolerate and form of bullying, EVER!! It's ridiculous, why should any student or any human go home feeling unloved or unwanted? We are all created equal, let's treat each other with respect and love. We are put on this earth to love OTHERS.
 

COMPETITIONS 
I think games/competitions do nothing but help the bully out. What good comes out of a competition where one person wins and one loses? Yes, it's making the student who won the game feel great, but why aren't we thinking of the student who did not win? Maybe you still do a competition, but instead of giving just the winner a prize, why not give them both a prize and tell them BOTH that you are very proud of them and you appreciate both of their efforts, making them both feel good with encouraging words.

PARENTS

Parents can be a huge problem. I've had  numerous parents that I talked to regarding their son/daughter bullying someone say to me "They are just kids being kids" or "That's what kids do".

There's the problem!!!! Even parents won't step up to stop this horrible problem; they have the excuse of "It's a kid thing". The reason "It's a kid thing" is because the parent isn't telling them they are doing anything wrong or hurting someones feelings. Bullying should not be a lifestyle and something we brush off our shoulders. It does nothing positive for anyone. It brings people down, lowers self esteem, creates suicidal thoughts and many times, people follow through with suicide. There is no reason for anyone to have to feel down about themselves. Let's change the way people think about bullying.

I think it's so important that your entire program / school is on the same page with putting bullying to a stop. Get enthusiastic about it, get motivated, do whatever you have to do to get all adults to understand the importance of stopping a bully from destroying his/her target.

I hope to get some feedback and people to back me up on this. Again, I have a huge heart to stop bullying and we need to approach it very seriously. Eric Pitonyak

UPDATE: Eric is no longer working for Rochester Schools but is now a Youth Minister and Youth Motivational Speaker. He continues to share his passion with schools and youth groups on the topic of Bullying.

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From Barb-Posted: 2/7/2008

Hi Eric!  I agree with everything you have said!!! Welcome to the site...and thank you for your insightful comments. I think what you wrote speaks for itself; however, I would like to add to what you say about competition.

You wrote:
"Competitions ... Yes, it's making the student who won the game feels great, but why aren't we thinking of the student who did not win? Maybe you still do a competition, but instead of giving just the winner a prize, why not give them both a prize and tell them BOTH that you are proud of them and you appreciate both of their efforts, making them both feel good with encouraging words."

I hope all caregivers and teachers read the above and take heart.
As a consultant and in my writing, that is a point I repeatedly stress. Watch the level of competition and when prizes are involved---ALL receive something for being a good sport!!!
 
Besides building skills, I emphasize that the focus in play should primarily be on "Having a good time, Program Community/Team Spirit, and Sportsmanship" -- where all congratulate each other at the end of each game period with a "high five and good job!" Maybe I'm going off topic a bit but I believe it all goes together.

You also say "...
Parents can be a huge problem. I have had numerous parents that I have talked to about their son/daughter bullying someone say to me "They are just kids being kids" or "That's what kids do". There's the problem!!!! "

Yes to that! You've given us much to think about. Please keep us informed as to how your talks are going. Good Luck! Barb

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FROM SARAH IN OAKBROOK
Posted: 2/7/2008
Three "Hip, hip hoorays" for you Eric!

Barb has a category here for us to copy things TO GIVE TO PARENTS. Maybe we should start getting some good "Non-preachy or threatening message type things" in there about the Bullying topic. I think putting TIPS in newsletters and in info. centers is a start. I know I just saw a MVparents.com in that category. if we present it as general informational tips--it may help...Sarah

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FROM CASSIE IN MICHIGAN
Posted: 2/7/2008

I agree with you Eric...not enough has been said about parents and adults not doing their part. I think largely they just don't know what to do--so don't do much---or give bad advice. Welcome to the site...Cassie

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FROM ERIC PITONYAK
Posted: 2/7/2008

I hope I didn't sound preachy. I have an obvious passion to change the way people, not just kids, treat each other. I strongly believe that we can slowly change our schools into a more positive, encouraging environment where everyone will enjoy being.

There is so much criticism and put downs these days, we need encouraging words to one another. Even if someone does something bad or wrong, gently correct them and guide them in a more positive lifestyle. If someone sees bullying happen, use positive reinforcement to correct the bully. Being happy and smiling is probably my favorite thing to do.

Reading some of the entries, I like the point that said "...bystanders can also play a role in bullying."
 
Very true! In fact, I believe that if someone witnesses someone being bullied and does nothing about it, they are just as guilty as the bully themselves. Everyone should keep their eyes open and speak up when they witness bullying happen.

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From GoGreen in Oregon
Posted: 2/10/2008

I've been doing some reading and just read that:

"Bullies appear to have little anxiety and to possess strong self-esteem. There is little evidence to support the contention that bullies victimize others because they feel bad about themselves. "

Some of my background is Psychology; at the time of my education--it was thought the opposite. Being not quite sure of the statement, "Bullies possess strong self-esteem...", I did some research of my own--and saw three current studies that say the same! Indeed, that bit of info was a surprise!

Eric, you say.....
"NO BULLYING DAY" Some people and even schools have no bullying day or anti bullying week. To me, this is horrible. Why is there a selected day or couple of days that kids cannot bully someone else? It is telling the kids that during this time, we are cracking down and won't put up with any bullying. WHY ISN'T THIS a No Bullying YEAR???..."

It's good to see your passion and I hope you continue to advance the cause. You also wrote you hope you "don't sound preachy".
You don't- you sound passionate. However, I think you DON"T mean, that having a set time for Anti- Bully recognition is bad... WHAT you're saying is that we all should be working at it all the time! One week a year doesn't cut it. (Sorry to be putting words in your words!)

Adding to that, the one day, or one week is a START It's the baby-steps--that eventually make a difference.
What a great concept--an Anti-Bully Year! Some good stuff up above! gg
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FROM SARAH IN OAKBROOK Posted 2/11/2008


Read this article  at kidshealth It's helped me! A website with simple words that kids (and adults) can use when needing to address a Bullying issue. BE SURE TO READ THE SIDE-BAR IN PURPLE, "ALL ABOARD" it talks about getting the entire school onboard---students, teachers, students and staff---where all make it a "Bully-Free-Zone".

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