Page 2-Return to Page 1 of Bully Categoy
THE FOLLOWING ARE COMMENTS FROM READERS IN THE 'DISCUSSION FORUM' of the former website After-School-Care.com. Please add your thoughts and experiences in the bottom page comment box or use the Contact Page.
From Eric Pitonyak - Holly,Michigan
Originally Posted: 2/7/2008
Here we go!!!! Bullying...
What an important subject!!! I work for Rochester Community Schools in Rochester Hills, MI and I live in Holly, MI. There is bullying at both places. In fact, bullying is a huge problem everywhere we go, from schools, to work, to neighbors, everywhere! How do we stop it?
It's a tough thing to battle, but I believe in making a difference. I am starting to travel to Middle Schools giving assembly talks about the specific subject of bullying. I have a huge passion to stop the torture that some kids go through. Below, I have put a couple of my own thoughts to maybe help your site cut down on this massive nation-wide problem.
BULLY BOXES
I think they are a good idea. If a child does not feel comfortable talking to an adult about them being bullied,they can write an anonymous note. But, this gets me thinking...why don't they feel comfortable talking to an adult? They should have an adult in their life that they can turn to with this type of situation. In fact, every adult should make every kid feel that they can talk to them about their struggles. WE SHOULD BE THOSE ADULTS!!! Set aside our own problems at work and let's make a difference in the lives of these children. Some of them are crying out for help and we are not listening to them. Show them that you care and want to HELP.
NO-BULLYING DAY
Some people and even schools have no bullying day or anti bullying week. To me, this is horrible. Why is there a selected day or couple of days that kids cannot bully someone else? It is telling the kids that during this time, we are cracking down and won't put up with any bullying. WHY ISN'T THIS a No Bullying YEAR???
Make the kids know that you will not tolerate and form of bullying, EVER!! It's ridiculous, why should any student or any human go home feeling unloved or unwanted? We are all created equal, let's treat each other with respect and love. We are put on this earth to love OTHERS.
COMPETITIONS
I think games/competitions do nothing but help the bully out. What good comes out of a competition where one person wins and one loses? Yes, it's making the student who won the game feel great, but why aren't we thinking of the student who did not win? Maybe you still do a competition, but instead of giving just the winner a prize, why not give them both a prize and tell them BOTH that you are very proud of them and you appreciate both of their efforts, making them both feel good with encouraging words.
PARENTS
Parents can be a huge problem. I've had numerous parents that I talked to regarding their son/daughter bullying someone say to me "They are just kids being kids" or "That's what kids do".
There's the problem!!!! Even parents won't step up to stop this horrible problem; they have the excuse of "It's a kid thing". The reason "It's a kid thing" is because the parent isn't telling them they are doing anything wrong or hurting someones feelings. Bullying should not be a lifestyle and something we brush off our shoulders. It does nothing positive for anyone. It brings people down, lowers self esteem, creates suicidal thoughts and many times, people follow through with suicide. There is no reason for anyone to have to feel down about themselves. Let's change the way people think about bullying.
I think it's so important that your entire program / school is on the same page with putting bullying to a stop. Get enthusiastic about it, get motivated, do whatever you have to do to get all adults to understand the importance of stopping a bully from destroying his/her target.
I hope to get some feedback and people to back me up on this. Again, I have a huge heart to stop bullying and we need to approach it very seriously. Eric Pitonyak
UPDATE: Eric is no longer working for Rochester Schools but is now a Youth Minister and Youth Motivational Speaker. He continues to share his passion with schools and youth groups on the topic of Bullying.
____________________________________
From Barb-Posted: 2/7/2008
Hi Eric! I agree with everything you have said!!! Welcome to the site...and thank you for your insightful comments. I think what you wrote speaks for itself; however, I would like to add to what you say about competition.
You wrote:
"Competitions ... Yes, it's making the student who won the game feels great, but why aren't we thinking of the student who did not win? Maybe you still do a competition, but instead of giving just the winner a prize, why not give them both a prize and tell them BOTH that you are proud of them and you appreciate both of their efforts, making them both feel good with encouraging words."
I hope all caregivers and teachers read the above and take heart.
As a consultant and in my writing, that is a point I repeatedly stress. Watch the level of competition and when prizes are involved---ALL receive something for being a good sport!!!
Besides building skills, I emphasize that the focus in play should primarily be on "Having a good time, Program Community/Team Spirit, and Sportsmanship" -- where all congratulate each other at the end of each game period with a "high five and good job!" Maybe I'm going off topic a bit but I believe it all goes together.
You also say "...
Parents can be a huge problem. I have had numerous parents that I have talked to about their son/daughter bullying someone say to me "They are just kids being kids" or "That's what kids do". There's the problem!!!! "
Yes to that! You've given us much to think about. Please keep us informed as to how your talks are going. Good Luck! Barb
_______________________________
FROM SARAH IN OAKBROOK
Posted: 2/7/2008
Three "Hip, hip hoorays" for you Eric!
Barb has a category here for us to copy things TO GIVE TO PARENTS. Maybe we should start getting some good "Non-preachy or threatening message type things" in there about the Bullying topic. I think putting TIPS in newsletters and in info. centers is a start. I know I just saw a MVparents.com in that category. if we present it as general informational tips--it may help...Sarah
________________________
FROM CASSIE IN MICHIGAN
Posted: 2/7/2008
I agree with you Eric...not enough has been said about parents and adults not doing their part. I think largely they just don't know what to do--so don't do much---or give bad advice. Welcome to the site...Cassie
_______________________
FROM ERIC PITONYAK
Posted: 2/7/2008
I hope I didn't sound preachy. I have an obvious passion to change the way people, not just kids, treat each other. I strongly believe that we can slowly change our schools into a more positive, encouraging environment where everyone will enjoy being.
There is so much criticism and put downs these days, we need encouraging words to one another. Even if someone does something bad or wrong, gently correct them and guide them in a more positive lifestyle. If someone sees bullying happen, use positive reinforcement to correct the bully. Being happy and smiling is probably my favorite thing to do.
Reading some of the entries, I like the point that said "...bystanders can also play a role in bullying."
Very true! In fact, I believe that if someone witnesses someone being bullied and does nothing about it, they are just as guilty as the bully themselves. Everyone should keep their eyes open and speak up when they witness bullying happen.
____________________________
From GoGreen in Oregon
Posted: 2/10/2008
I've been doing some reading and just read that:
"Bullies appear to have little anxiety and to possess strong self-esteem. There is little evidence to support the contention that bullies victimize others because they feel bad about themselves. "
Some of my background is Psychology; at the time of my education--it was thought the opposite. Being not quite sure of the statement, "Bullies possess strong self-esteem...", I did some research of my own--and saw three current studies that say the same! Indeed, that bit of info was a surprise!
Eric, you say.....
"NO BULLYING DAY" Some people and even schools have no bullying day or anti bullying week. To me, this is horrible. Why is there a selected day or couple of days that kids cannot bully someone else? It is telling the kids that during this time, we are cracking down and won't put up with any bullying. WHY ISN'T THIS a No Bullying YEAR???..."
It's good to see your passion and I hope you continue to advance the cause. You also wrote you hope you "don't sound preachy".
You don't- you sound passionate. However, I think you DON"T mean, that having a set time for Anti- Bully recognition is bad... WHAT you're saying is that we all should be working at it all the time! One week a year doesn't cut it. (Sorry to be putting words in your words!)
Adding to that, the one day, or one week is a START It's the baby-steps--that eventually make a difference.
What a great concept--an Anti-Bully Year! Some good stuff up above! gg
___________________________
FROM SARAH IN OAKBROOK Posted 2/11/2008
Read this article at kidshealth It's helped me! A website with simple words that kids (and adults) can use when needing to address a Bullying issue. BE SURE TO READ THE SIDE-BAR IN PURPLE, "ALL ABOARD" it talks about getting the entire school onboard---students, teachers, students and staff---where all make it a "Bully-Free-Zone".
Page 2-Return to Page 1 of Bully Categoy
___________________________________________