How do bees get to school?
By school buzz... 
How do the fish get to school?
By octobus!
What does a gorilla learns in school?
His Ape B C's.
What does a snake learn in school?
Hiss tory.
Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
It's not right.
Did you hear about the cross eyed-teacher?
He couldn't control his pupils!
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?
Student: 12! January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
Teacher: Johnny, which month has 28 days?
Student: Every month!
Q. What did the glue say to the teacher?
A. "I'm stuck on you."
Q. What do get when you cross one principal with another principal?
A. I wouldn't do it, principals don't like to be crossed!
Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.
Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!
Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.
Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.
Q. What did the ghost teacher say to his class?
A. "Look at the board and I'll go through it again!"
Q. Why did the students study in the airplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.
Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!
Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).
Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!
Q. What is a math teacher's favorite dessert?
A. Pi!
Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!
Q. What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!
Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?
A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!
Q. Why did 6 hate 7?
A. 7 8 9.
Q. Why did the boy go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got problems."
Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"
Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.
Q. Why do teachers give you homework?
A. Just to annoy you.
Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
A. He had a knuckle sandwich!
Q. What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A. The teacher says, "Spit your gum out" and the train says, "Choo-........choo!"
Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.
Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Q. Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.
Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
A. All those numbers you have to carry.
Q. What did the student say after the teacher said, "Order students, order?"
A. "Can I have fries and a burger?"
Q. Where did the pencil go for vacation?
A. To Pennsylvania.
Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.
Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!
Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.
Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!
Q. What tools do you need for math?
A. MultiPLIERS.
Q. What's the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.
Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.
Q. What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
A. They had a class trip!
Q. What's the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his students were so bright!
Where do monsters study?
In ghoul school.
Who sits in front of the class in ghoul school?
The creature teacher
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to go to school today?
Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
She couldn’t control her pupils!
Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.
What school supply is always tired?
A knapsack!
Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school.
Kid: Yes, but I didn't miss it much.
Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I'm paying as little attention as I can.
Teacher: James, where is your homework?
James: I ate it.
Teacher: Why?
James: You said it was a piece of cake!
Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?
Pupil: I used his pen!
Teacher: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet.
Pupil: But these are the only feet I’ve got!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?
The first goes “Spit out that chewing gum immediately!” and the second goes “chew chew”!
Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.
What was that?
My homework!
What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?
A blackboard!
COMPUTER JOKES
What do you call a computer superhero?
A Screen Saver.
Why did the computer cross the road?
To get a byte to eat.
Who chases computer criminals?
A hacker-tracker.
What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant?
Lots of Memory.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a computer?
A machine that has a bark worse than its byte.
Why was the computer so angry?
Because it had a chip on its shoulder.
Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its websight.
Why did the computer sneeze?
It had a virus.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-o
Where do cool mice live?In mouse pads.
Back to top of page
_________________
MENU OF JOKES
- School & Computers
- Crossing the Road
- Food Jokes
- Animals: Cats, Dogs, Elephants, Variety
- Bears
- Dinosaurs
- Sports: Baseball-Football-General
- Jokes Insects, Fleas, Flies, Spiders
- Jokes: Weather, Flowers & Gardens, Birds, Bees, Frogs
______________________